Weather gets better.. It still rains occasionally, but mostly when it is sunny, it is really sunny so it brightens my mood! 😄🌞
Funny how the older I am, the more superficial things don't matter anymore.
I now care much less to many things I used to overthink before.. I think it is a nice thing. Being an adult, there are so many jobs lining on my to-do list, having to talk to colleagues and work partners I never meet before (email anxiety) and imagining how if we are working in the same place.
Must be interesting.
Here I list down some shower thoughts that I have had:
#1 Removing possessiveness.
I am possessive.
Or I think I used to be.
I had anxiety every time someone is borrowing my thing. I don't like the feeling that it might not be returned. I have had times where my things never returned and I wasn't brave enough to ask for the thing back.. I was that coward.
For people, my possessiveness was implicit. I share friends, although behind my tough, fine shell outside I was so jealous inside if my chairmate sat with someone else.
If I liked a man, I would not share the privilege with anyone else.
Nowadays, I don't really care any more. Take my scissors, just take it, but return it to its place. Talk to my friends, then talk. It is not like I am owning her.
Talk to my man, just talk. If he gains more interest to another girl, I am not going to see him the same way as before anymore.
It is more like, the hurt feeling would be more secretive now and there is no way it would come to surface.
#2 I have mild OCD.
I always deny that I have OCD but I unconsciously have it.
a.) I always format my email to have same fonts by select all the words and override the font to a new one, more than twice.
b.) I like fonts that have same width for all the letters, numbers and symbols (something like the ones in programming softwares).
c.) My desktop has no shortcut. It is purely clean.
d.) I make sure that the documents I create has same fonts, in perfect size, uniformed margins and more importantly: zero grammatical error.
e.) I know how to make my desk "messily tidy" purposely.
f.) I do my best to have the same username in all my social media accounts.
g.) I make sure that I have margins in all of my drawings.
h.) I like to center images or titles.
Quite mild.. Right?
#3 Death is inevitable.
Someone I know very well recently passed away suddenly due to accident.
That makes me more conscious to be extra, extra be careful on road.
#4 I thought I would never unhate someone, but I unconsciously do that.
And I am ashamed to say this.
On point #1 I wrote about how another girl would talk and steal the man I like and I would be jealous, angry and hate her.
I realise, now I don't really care anymore. If the man goes to her, he doesn't deserve me. Thus, I see no point wasting time to hate her, or him.
So, the hatred I have on both of them dissipated. Poof.
#5 I want to create.
I need enormous willpower, and having it to last for as long as needed.
Draw, draw and draw. Print, print and print.
Innovate, innovate and innovate. Be creative. Explore new possibilities.
That is much harder than we all think right?
Happy weekend everyone~ ✨
Lots of love ♥