I have something interesting to share to you.
Recently I have been getting to know one of my blog reader and we became really really good friends. This excites me so much because this happens extremely rarely to me. 😄
Most of my blog visitors only leave one footprint and then never returns. In extremely rare case, they return, they keep returning until I start to notice their presence and I invited them to talk to me personally instead because I don't check blogger dashboard daily now.
This is the third case of me making a really good friend thanks to this blog! The first two were neighbor 'Mutant Koko'--we met once right--and 'AzNur'--for always coming back here to me every time.
Thank you, I love y'all! *hugs* 💕
Let's call this person Kotake! 😄
Kotake is one extremely, brutally honest guy I've ever met. I like brutally honest people, though at times I am taken aback with it, in some rare conditions though. I am unable to be that honest, I don't lie, I am just not open enough because that takes lots of hidden cards of mine to be put on the table.
But I always, always appreciate honest people so much. To be able in being honest to me, that is something I really treasure. The way they are being honest to me is the ultimate sign of of them respecting me in handling the truth.
And to be respected in such that way, I can never be grateful enough.
That is very priceless to me. 😊
After a few good talks in private, I asked Kotake what did he think about Konayachi, and he diligently made a list of me, for me.
The list is really mind-blowing I have the urge to blog it, and put on arguments on it!
So, he said:
01.) Konayachi isn't intelligent. She sees good and bad things in delusional ways.
♦ I never consider that I am intelligent. I am not stupid as well, and that isn't indicated in that sentence, so I'll let this pass.
♦ I admit, I see the good and bad things in delusional ways. I am a dreamer, I have ideals, I am an idealist. I think it is normal for me to be seen as delusional. I see nothing is wrong with it.
♦ Apparently I have been thinking, after that point was shown to me, that being too delusional and spilling it out to people causes more harm to me than good. This slapped me the hard way and I told myself not to over-share my ideals to public any more.
♦ I have been doing well in letting go most social media accounts I have (no longer participating in posting things any more) so it should be easy to control what I write here, especially things regarding my ideals--to avoid being too delusional to the point that I will disturb people around me.
02.) Konayachi is sweet.
♦ Am I sweet? Really? I can never get used of praises and compliments, but I can accept it with utmost gratitude: thank you for calling me sweet! 😳
03.) Konayachi is a liar (specially to herself).
♦ I am not! Nooooooo! 😨
♦ Well, I am not honest, but I don't lie. I am not saying that I don't lie 100% but I always push myself to never, ever let out a single lie, even the whitest, purest lie. As I mentioned above, I love brutally honest people for respecting me to receive the truth, and I also would want to do the same and respect people who deserve the truths by never lie to them.
♦ However, even so, there is one point there: lying to myself. Am I? Really? I need to ask myself in this though, but still I can't see it. I have been fine, I am doing fine and there are no after-feeling whenever I tell myself what shall I do or how shall I feel.
♦ There will be something I'd prefer to say "I am fine" even when I am not, that might count as lies, but at some point when I really don't want to deal with people, what I'd be doing would be like, something called "delaying myself to tell them the truth". If we are close enough, when I feel fine again, I will tell you that at that time I wasn't fine. Even when it no longer matters, I would tell them. That is one part of me that likes to let you know many things about me. I am open about myself--only to people I care.
♦ The contradiction is here: I am open, yes I am very open--but I don't open everything. That doesn't make me a liar, though. That is different okay!
04.) Konayachi isn't dependable (she's too damn cheerful even for the bad things!).
♦ This is, actually very subjective.
♦ I am being cheerful is part--one small part of my personality. I like looking at cheerful people, that just influences me to be like that too! I mean, nothing is wrong with being cheerful, am I right? Why should we be gloomy and sad all day?
05.) Konayachi "beats around the bush" with "no tomorrow".
♦ I beat around the bush, I might be. I don't feel it. I like to type a lot, it might be a mess at times, it might be seen as 'beat around the bush' or it might be seen as interesting. It depends on the reader though.
♦ Sometimes, I think that writing round and round is a good 'filler' on these posts here, for some people, it is interesting, but some others, it is annoying.
♦ One thing that I notice, the longer the filler I type, the more boring it gets.. At least for me. My ex-colleague told me before: if you find your writing confusing or boring, it will be worse for your readers, proof-read it! I think that is really true!
♦ I can be straightforward, in fact, in real life, I am more straightforward than here, mostly it is because I normally don't talk much--except to people I am really close with! But I really don't prefer to be straightforward. I enjoy communicating, in slow, relaxed pace and many words to produce. That is a good exercise to my brain and my fingers.
06.) Konayachi is questionably open-minded. If she is, she doesn't show it.
♦ I am? I am not? I don't know.
♦ I am open to listen to everyone about anything, everything, every topic from the most boring ones to the most sensitive ones. I try my best not to judge about anything (or at least, I don't have the urge to show how badly I am affected by one's view on something), and I always enjoy getting to know what's on people's mind.
♦ One more contradictory point in this: the trait on upper point would fit the best with 'very friendly' trait, right? Apparently I am not good in making friends, I am very shy with new people and I don't have that many friends. I don't connect with people well on first try.
07.) Konayachi isn't reliable/dependable. I wouldn't trust a person that cheerful with my life! If I depended on it... I would hesitate. I wouldn't take advises from her, though.
♦ Well, I am fine if I am not reliable to you.
♦ The thing is, I might be seen as not reliable or dependable, and that is alright. You are entitled to your judgement and opinions. I might seem too cheerful or too delusional, but one thing I always hold firm: I care about people that I like so much and I would never turn my back on them, no matter how weak or useless I am. Loyalty and trust would be the best I can offer to them (at least that's what in my thought for now).
♦ I am fine with not giving advises, and I am still open to any request for advises! 😊
08.) Konayachi isn't depending. She's delusional enough, she doesn't need help to be more delusional.
♦ I agree in this. I am here to be seen as 'independent' because I like to be that way.
♦ Having to be dependent in many trivial things make me question my ability. I have the curiosity to try everything that is available in this world. I don't want to be treated as a girl who needs everything, I like to try things, I like to do new things. Show me new things, I will be the happiest when I try new things! (Except food, I am a bit coward in that field).
♦ Now that I think about it, there are things where I might be dependent, though. For example, when I am in a totally strange or new situation in a totally new place, I might need help. In this case, I will set aside my adventurous soul and switch to 'fully-cautious' mode by being wise and ask for people who are better in that situation.
09.) Konayachi is too much the "perfect girl" without faults. A kind of girl I hate because I never found any of those who isn't a liar!
♦ Nobody is perfect, y'know. 😉
♦ The way that is said to me might be seen from a POV only. Actually, I am not perfect. Really!
♦ If you have been my long time reader, you would have known that I grow up. I grew lots of things in me, I fought depression, I kicked negative thoughts out of my head, I studied hard, I needed to cram to ace my classes, I was a lazy ass in exercising (no matter how many times I exercised, I always compensate it with junk foods, lol), I swam because I love the feeling, not for the sake of my health, I was very conscious about my look (I still am, btw) and I took so many pictures of myself that I now cringe when I look at it.
♦ I probably grew things out to be my better self now, but I am still very far of being a "perfect girl". To be a "perfect girl", I need to actually fulfill one condition or standard, and knowing how girls standard are set nowadays, I am too far, far away from fulfilling it.
♦ The best thing I believe to have is that no matter what, I will love myself. The way it is now is already fine for me. One key in this is to never compare myself with anyone, because it is a waste of time and energy. We are all perfect in our own ways.
There you are! Kotake! I put my best on all arguments... I hope! 😛
To be honest this is very fun to do, like I am putting on my best to argue. I usually don't argue but well, to do it once in a while feels good. Like I get to know myself more.
But, really, I don't lie. I try my bestest to never do that. If something bothers any of you, let me know, I am more than happy to open discussions with you all.
Thank you, and have a great day!
Once again, I am not a liar! 😣 Kotake, I am not!
Lots of love ♥