I was not in my happiest this week.
No more though, no worry! I am fine now!
Fifth project at work begins! So far I am doing very fine, steady and all. Some of my colleagues are going on their end of year holiday so the office is quieter than usual, same thing happened during the last Hari Raya Ramadan. It is still fine for me, save moolah for brighter future!
I enjoyed the festive season (jingle here jingle there!) and thanks to my Sis' stubbornness I posted one more entry on my Instagram--although to be honest their Terms of Service sucks max and I am against it--therefore I never use it until a few days ago. Peace out!
Having to be social media-free for years feels so good that I took it for granted. It feels so liberating having to enjoy what's there to enjoy without having to compare myself with anyone else. Social media unconsciously forces me to see what's happening around my friends and networks, and I--being a sensitive girl--am having a hard time seeing all these.
My mind unconsciously compares my life and theirs. It sucks man.
Recently this week I started to use social media daily again (spend my time) and my depression level notably increased--travel pictures, holiday pictures, yolo pictures, and the most and worst posts ever--show off pictures: new phone, smartwatch, movies to watch, places to visit, foods to eat, and many more.
Nope. Don't. Why. 😞
I don't ask y'all to stop posting. My body just dislikes all these. And I still wonder why still I linger in all these places when my body shouts loudly that it doesn't like to see all these?
Seems like my curiosity and my happiness clashes. It happens often btw.
These things which covers the majority of pictures that appears on my feed have caused me somewhat mild depression. When they say social media network is toxic, they are right. I am so unhappy and I have a mixed feeling. Not a pleasant one.
Then, what to do?
Eh, actually it is pretty easy? I mean, the power to do something is inside me that I don't really need to ask about this.
This is one more great lesson I learn this year before it ends: love myself.
Love myself. Love my body. Love my mind. My personality. My eagerness. My curiosity. My, what else?
Wait, when I tell myself to love my curiosity--does it mean I shall let it wander? How if by letting my curiosity wander, I harm my happiness well?
So I'll put all these on priority list, which one would I protect more?
As I wish to be happy more than anything else, I shall control my curiosity. Which brings me back to the earlier point: I shall love myself, including my curiosity.
Another step to approach: I can control my curiosity. That sounds better, but it is not easy. I was tempted to let it all go this week (by going on social media, and gravely injured my happiness well) so I guess I'll try to put a little bit more control on it in order to protect my happiness well.
Life is very complicated? Or I make it so?
Alright... So what else to do?
Stop looking at anyone.
Stop putting myself down.
Stop using social media--for the sake of happiness without comparing me to anyone.
Some people are easier in this case, not to be influenced with social media contents. In my case, I am very easily influenced. It is harder for me to stop comparing and stop looking at anyone. I just can't help it, my curiosity is insane. By doing all these, I unconsciously put myself down, aren't I?
It is easier for me to stop using social media--therefore I am going to do it starting next year.
I will stop visiting Facebook, Twitter and Instagram altogether starting next year. This is one promise I declare here--and I don't declare promise easily. I will do my best to keep my words. After all, my happiness well is at stake. I'll see how long can I last. This is a really hard habit I unfortunately embed in me, but if my happiness well is at stake, I would gladly do it!
Recently I woke up with so many terrifying dreams--including deaths, unfinished surprises, and many more. These dreams gave me anxiety, and this feeling makes me uneasy. I wish all of these dreams would lead to my awesome 2017 which is coming really soon!
Crazy how time flies, huh!
Week 51st morning skies!
Soft clouds on 16th December!
Lots of love ♥