Honestly, I don't know whether to say OK or not. I am not not OK but I am also not OK either. I don't understand, it feels like my body is aching thinking about whether I am OK or not.
What a damned waste of energy.
Meanwhile, I am doing great on my routine, learned so many things on a few days (and many more in the future!) and had so much fun learning about current super-cute project.
All my colleagues are so nice and fun to work with and I am glad that I am always blessed with this.
The tasks are hard, but I am learning.
It is nice to know that there are something I look forward everyday, but also something inside me still feels uncomfortable.
I have been thinking to cut off connection to some more people, but I have no idea how to do it. I cannot just randomly type something like "Hey, let's not talk to each other again. Sayonara." wtf.
Cutting off connection is practically impossible for me but I need to learn to say "No" to what I don't want. It is too hard for me.
But I know it is a must-have skill.
And I perfectly know how will the other end feel if I do this.
I mean, we are doing very fine, just great. But there are things in me that I want to withdraw for so many reasons.
I don't know. I need to learn to love myself much more not to let me accept things that I don't want. Why idiot me is still going with something that I clearly don't want, just because I don't want to hurt the other person?
I am scared about how the other person will react, so I keep saying "Yes" on something I clearly don't want!
I need more more strength!
Meanwhile, I am collecting sky pics again.
How to be strong enough to hurt people for the sake of myself?
Lots of love ♥