Friday, January 1, 2016

Hello twenty sixteen!

To be honest, I am very glad 2015 came to an end.

It was, if I can say this, not a good year for me. Despite of my shameless remark and claim that 2015 will be an awesome year for me, it wasn't, not that great of a year.

Sure, 2015 is awesome because I got my Bachelor of Computer Information System. I passed my final thesis graciously and happily.

I met a few new nice friends (on LP) and I was able to cut off poisonous friendships completely. I think it is a big achievement of mine, since I am the type that finds it extremely hard to forgive anyone, but I managed to do it anyway, little by little.

I returned home--a new environment to me since four years ago I stayed at another place; joined with my aunt and her families. Now I move to a completely new place with only me, my parents and doggie. It feels so great to be free to do anything inside house without worrying cousins or aunt kaypo-ing us.

It was the first time of me having so many ideas I cannot wait to realise. I used to have lots of ideas in my mind, but I never really write it down as I think I am still a student and the only thing I wanted to do is to study. However, now once I am very free, I think I got endless time (or I think so) to start realising my ideas one by one.

This excites me so much.

Also, when I said it was not a good year for me, I have my reasons.

Firstly, cutting off people from my life. Completely. It was not easy, but I couldn't bear having to struggle with emotional problems anymore. Sure, there are times when I was reminisced with the past, but I was glad it came to an end because it couldn't be any worse. I have no regret.

Discovering a few things I think--erm--I was not supposed to discover. Do you know how does it feel to find something you don't want to find? Like something that is better if you are completely ignorant about it?

Well, I had this experience. And while I kept on thinking which part did I do wrong since it hurted me, I started to accept it and be able to understand that some things are meant to be better. There should be good reasons behind me knowing things that hurting me.

I know this paragraph is ambiguous, but it is almost impossible for me to write more things here. It is just way too personal. =/

Also, this year I lost someone that I love so much. My ahma (mum's mum) slept peacefully in her house and rested really well. There are parts of me that still believe that she is still here with us. It felt extremely unreal to think that it has been two months plus since her passing. There are parts of me that wants to go to her house to see her, to have her kiss my forehead, to hug her, to smell her and to see her.

She passed six days before my 23rd birthday so it was my first time not receiving her call that wished me another great year--you know, you start to appreciate something once you lost it. Knowing that there won't be any more call for me to receive on the morning of my birthday hurts. It really hurts, even up to today, it is so hard to me to accept this.

She is the only grandma that I had because dad's mum passed away in 1992 so I never knew her--although based on his story, she was really skilled and really good in cooking. I was with ahma since I was born, until two months ago.

It felt painful inside my chest whenever I remember her, it felt like a huge part inside my heart was taken away, and nothing will ever be able to regrow it back. Something that had been part of my life for ever was taken away and although I managed to move on, my heart will never be the same.

Time heals, I believe, but some things are not meant to be the same, not after some wounds that were torn forcefully happened inside me.

Nevertheless, it was a great year for me to grow and to understand about more things, to mature myself and to discover myself more and more. I think it is a good thing to grow.

I really wish that 2016 will be another blessed and great year for me, my family, and everyone else!

The last evening in 2015--super orange sky! Sayonara 2015!

Hello 2016!

And the only fireworks I could capture from my house at 00:00 (GMT+7) haha.

Ah, and also 2016 is ben ming nian for me! This means the monkey year born me is meeting monkey year (and old people say I gotta be very careful ah) and also means that I am stepping up to age twenty-four this year (uh I don't even want to type my age in number anymore) and I will remind my mum to buy me two dozens of red panties and red socks because I am such a sucker for things like this =(

Looking forward to encounter many new awesome experiences for me!

Lots of love ♥

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