I hated myself. And loads of angry feeling and negative thoughts.
So 4AM I couldn't bear it anymore that I went out from my room and decided to break a sweat until morning.
I ran, harder than usual to throw my entire evilness, toxic, depression and anger all away to the morning air. I told myself to buang all my evil thoughts and angry feeling in each time I exhaled, and I need to take the fresh, positive thoughts and happiness in each time I inhaled.
But running in the morning was worth it. I mean, sunrise is awesome! Almost, equally awesome as sunsets.
Although I lean to sunsets a bit more de.
Yep. The weather was amazing that morning.
I went back home at 7AM, to find out my super cute sleepy doggie walked to the front door to greet me sleepily. She must be really confused that piggy me woke up so early and broke a sweat.
She then walked to outside complex and looked around, sleepily. Sleepy people and animals are really~ adorable!
I slept right after taking a super good cool shower and replying late night messages. Suddenly, I loved my bed so much, I loved my bedroom so much, I loved my fan so much and I loved my HP so much! The best thing I loved that time was myself~ I felt extremely good after morning run expelled toxic feelings in me and I believed my method of absorbing positive and happy feelings in the morning worked perfectly.
I felt my back aches which I thought probably it was due to the massive running and laid on my back felt so awesome. I felt my body was very light, and suddenly everything felt much cooler.
I woke up on late afternoon to the point that moving my body was so hurt.
Felt so weak and unwell I forced myself to woke up and had a meal. I thought it was due to the messy body clock, so I never took any vitamin water or tablets.
It got worse at night, I felt my back was entirely so painful and that many feelings when you realised you were falling sick.
Blamed myself that I slept in the morning and did something stupid such as running super hard. I instantly felt worse. Zzzzz.
The next day, I woke up super tired for unknown reasons. Health was deteriorating. I also had zero appetite and since the house was empty, I went to McDonalds to have their Fish Burger and fries.
Met my old BFF there and we had whole day chats there, it was so fun (and also depressing) since we talked about getting a job. LOL.
And the last time we had such good atmosphere when we gossiped about handsome boys in our class.
I miss my old friends. It feels like I understand why we were bestfriends at that time. Because we have too many things in common.
It has been a while since I could talk as myself-way as possible. I have been keeping things from people too often, I really need sometimes when I don't need to worry about be myself.
Went back home on the evening and it was raining super super hard. I got drenched a while, and I fell sick--the fries and burger were good causes for sore throat and painful ears.
Couldn't do anything much since I really didn't want to do anything else except lie on my bed, so I grabbed a random book and spent my night with it.
Harry Potter books are awesome. I love the jokes.
Also, rain starts to come daily now. Hard ones as well. So snuggling on bed with awesome books is the best feeling.
I mean, I do feel guilty but--let me be at peace and happy for a few days. I need to recuperate my health as well.
Lots of love ♥