So I did my best last week and it was a super memorable day for me.. Like, even up to today it is so hard for me to believe what my idol said was true:
Although you may be hurt and bleeding now, a better day will come. Hard work will never betray you.Like, this what made me not breaking down a single bit although there were some times I fell down, scrapped my knees and bled everywhere.
I spent the last three days before my final battle studying with partner. She specially came to my place to study together though I suggested to study outside (KFC probably?) but I fell sick on that critical week!
A horrible flu I should say.
It was accidental--to be honest I already felt some weird sore throat viruses attacking me since Monday.
But I set it aside; told myself that if I worry about sickness; it will eventually come.
Then I tried to eat double dose of Vitamin C on Wednesday since on Wednesday morning my throat killed me; I almost vomited on toilet that morning haha. But probably I was already sick at that time; I kept on sneezing inside cinema that evening omg. I just didn't realise it.
And I can't avoid it; it became worse on Thursday after I returned from airport. I immediately had my pills and slept right away that whole day.
And to be honest since that day, it actually hit me down to the land of flu; and my spirit flew to dark abyss.
But then partner then came to my place the next day in those days to study together--I am in debt with you forever! Without you I couldn't make it at all for sure!
We then made tons of scenarios on what questions would appear on the Final battle (ok let's say it thesis defence from this point); and trust me, we made tons of creative thesis defence questions regarding our thesis that at one point we considered to be thesis defence juries, haha!
My flu didn't stop me from fighting my last war.
Monday morning then I felt much better for my flu, I woke up super early, meditate (and played some small games haha) and took a super long shower. Though I started to feel this morning nausea out of nowhere.
I tried to swallow a very sour vitamin C to get rid of my nausea but it just didn't go. I guess it was because I was too nervous to actually face the defence on that afternoon.
Defence in 5 hours!? You gotta be kidding me!!
Eventually I went to uni at 11AM with bus and someone inside bus offered me a seat, "You wear skirt so you just sit." I thanked her so many times until I felt it was annoying haha. Lucky!
Nobody in that bus on that day wear thesis defence outfit and they all saw me with weird gaze--probably I looked ugly? Maybe I gain weight? Or I looked horrible? Or they knew I was going to my Final battle that afternoon?
I didn't know and I would never know ahaha.
I reached and met partner at uni, and we immediately ate our brunch--while discussing again about our thesis. I literally was in super panic mode and swallowed my kebab fastly; probably I looked like a very hungry lion. I don't care. I can't even look at my phone at all since morning because of the nausea and such.
I just anyhow panicked and randomly replied anyone's message that morning.
I usually am a calm person but that day I felt horrible hahahaha it was my first time.
Met my friends who had their defence earlier and they passed; and I am SO HAPPY for them la because I love them so much HAHAHA. You won your battle!
Congrats my girls!! *muack muack muack*
Then the next turn will be me and partner; on that very same room. So we entered the room, was crazily awaiting of our juries and from that point I literally couldn't study anything at all anymore. My brain shut itself down and refused to receive any more information.
Everything I have reviewed with partner, my brain refused to process all of it until she told me: are you nervous? Why you forget everything?
I almost cried. How if I forget everything inside the classroom?
Then we then finally found out who our juries were: one was a lecturer I really know (the one accompanied us to Immersion trip last year) and the other one, I didn't know at all. Both were guys, and rumour said they were experts, and one of them is very theoretical.
Die die me.
I sucked in theories!
So since partner and me was the second group to have our defence, we waited outside the room while waiting for the first group to be done. I frantically rushed to memorise all of the theories and I wrote earlier: my brain refused to learn any more things that day.
And my nausea came back--I went back and forth to toilet to
I felt like reading with my right eye and threw everything out with my left eye. I literally thought of words flowing out from my left eye--I wonder do I have ADHD at this point?
See--what a nonsense I had to think about ADHD at this urgent time?
So our defence started at 1PM, and I was expected to start my defence at 3PM after the first group had done theirs. But, for some reasons the first group took FOREVER for their defence. Their group consisted of three people (which are also my classmates) and the first person himself had spent almost 1.5 hours defence. Means at 3PM then only the second person from the first group entered the classroom.
I told partner: wah we gonna do this until evening. (From the predicted finish time 5PM)
Waiting felt crazy--I don't fancy waiting, especially for something as anxious as this kind of thing. I wanted to vomit so many times. Even when partner decided to watch Youtube at 4PM I couldn't join her and I couldn't hear anything that she said at that time.
And yeah; they finished at 5PM and then partner and me started our presentation at 5+PM. I trembled in my voice but as at that time nobody watched us (yeah, you can watch anyone's defence ok!) I felt much better without pressures. Eventually our presentation was super fast, and when we finished, partner left the classroom and I had my defence.
"Okay, here it is. Ah gong, parents, sister, Miki, Meow meow, partner, I will ace this!" I said to myself.
The lecturer I knew well was the one giving me questions first. I answered slowly, with pretty smile and calm voice. I was so glad that his questions were not theoretical at all; and I explained everything regarding my thesis. What boosted my confidence was that it was actually his first time seeing the kind of thesis which partner and me made. And he was curious; so I told him as many things as I could (and as he allowed).
Even another booster: he is actually surprised that my actual thesis content was supposed to be more than a hundred sets (while I only stated five sets as sample). He actually seemed satisfied with my thesis and that gave me confidence booster. Yay!
The second lecturer gave me questions was a senior. He looked like a really calm uncle, waiting to yield his double edged samurai.
Suddenly I imagined him having Li Lianjie's shaolin hair and wearing Hanfu, riding a black horse and yielding a really cool Ginryuu (Kurogane's awesome sword).
Second ADHD kick of mine. Brain, stop it!
I was nervous looking at him; while he slowly started to talk to me.
I tried to answer his questions politely. I really think I acted cute at that time, until I felt disgusted of myself, but I told myself this is a way to win juries' heart (?).
But his case was a complete different from the first lecturer.
He seemed like he didn't know much about SAP. Like, he asked really really simple questions partner and me overlooked. He asked me: what is this table for? What is that table for? How did you make this? How did you make that?
Another confidence booster for me and I enjoyed explaining everything to him. Though I failed in explaining Test Tracking Spreadsheet.
Actually there was this tragedy I didn't dare to tell everyone.
So on Test Tracking Spreadsheet, I happened to be asked to explain what did the roll-up columns mean. There are few codes there: T, S, P, F, bla bla bla. I was asked to explain what did those mean.
So I stuttered, but I tried to explain my best.
To be super honest, I don't know. Hahahahaha.
So I forced to squeezed my brain to find out what were these things.
"Erm, okay, Sir, T means Test, if the testing has been done, we fill 1 on the cell, if it hasn't been done, we fill 0."
He asked "Why 1? Why not 2? Why not 3?"
I remembered I asked this question to my pembimbing at that time--it's only an indicator. Just like binary. But it's hard to explain to him.
"Sir, it's just an indicator, 1 means Yes, 0 means No. Just like binary.. Erm." I knew I was trembling in my voice. I was scared.
Then he said, "What is S?"
I stuttered, 'Omg, what the hell is S? I don't know. Super jialat. Please save me anyone. Okay, probably I should explain what is P first, I am gonna ask him to skip the S first because I wanna explain the P first; but how do I say it?'
I said, "Erm, S, Sir, S, is..."
He felt a winning aura and said, "You explain to me, I don't know what's this.. Come on.."
So I left with no choice but to skip the S and explained the P first.
I said, "Sir, can we Skip the S first so I will explain the P first?"
He then answered, "Ya, Skip means what? What does Skip mean here?"
Huh? S is Skip ar?
*cricket noise inside my head*
You understand not? Skip is actually the answer ar? AHAHAHA THANK YOU BRAIN THANK YOU THANK YOU! *muack brain*
So I activated my bullshit mode and said it fastly, "Sir, S means Skip, means we need to Skip this Test Case because we need to do another Test Case. Then Sir, P means Pass, we fill it 1 if this Test Case pass, and 0 if it's failed. If it's failed, then we fill it 1 on F column, which means Failed..."
Then he stopped my answers, and felt satisfied, and asked me to call partner for her defence.
I was almost fainted; not sure whether he was too satisfied with my answer or was my answer too horrible for him to listen so he stopped me?
At this time, I didn't pray for an A anymore; I pray for anyhow pass. Okay! I was so nervous. I was tripped on a very simple question haha.
But at that time, my mind was divided into two voices: one was a pessimistic voice which prayed hard for anyhow pass, the other one was my usual voice; the high-dreamer voice who always wants to ace anything.
It seemed her voice is heard by universe.
Both partner and me aced our thesis defence!
I saw that double A letters on the Notulen and I felt as happy as if someone proposed me; probably I felt happier than that hahahaha.
I'm just kidding. It's different case ok.
We got Ayam grade! (At this point I literally wrote Ayam in each chat message to show people how I passed my defence; but no one understood--WHY?!)
I don't care!
I literally was too happy!
I did a round A for my seventh semester and now for my thesis defence.
★ 最高 ★
I hit a super satisfying home run!
You know that feeling on baseball when the ball perfectly hit your bat; and that satisfying sound, and looking on that ball flying high.
IT FEELS SO GOOD OKAY!
Sidenote1: I love baseball.
Then did the after-defence ritual every Binus student always does: taking pictures.
I took tons of it; and I didn't care whether I looked so horrible. Well, actually I didn't look horrible at all. I actually looked pretty good?
|Messy hair ftw?!|
|Passed together with bff!|
|And my forever bff as well! *sobs*|
|All of us passed together on the same day (P.S. Alvi is our junior but she came and supported us~ ^^)|
|Us and my BS friends~! Miss you guys :"D|
|My thesis defence batch friends~ We made it guys!|
★ Partner, thank you for everything ah! I know you are gonna read this so trust me; I am so glad that we decided to cooperate together. I have no regret!Btw, let me re-organise my mind first. It's messy at the moment (the reason why it has been more than two weeks I didn't blog).
And for people who may never read this:
★ Parents, thank you for every support and love! Wo ai ni men muack muack!
★ Ah gong, thank you for, erm, maybe listening to my mind everytime it speaks? Even if you don't, everytime I meditate, I always address you! You always make me calm in each of my meditation.
★ Sis, thank you for the never-ending Hwaiting message! P.S. trust me: combination photo of Winner's Song Mino and CNBLUE's Jung Yonghwa is a sureway to ace exams. I KNOW THIS ABSURDITY BUT TRUST ME IT REALLY WORKS! I send you their photos everytime I had my exam last time; and see--I ACED ALL OF MY EXAMS. YOU MUST KEEP THEIR PHOTOS IN YOUR HP!
★ Therefore, Winner's Song Mino and CNBLUE'S Jung Yonghwa, thank you for the magic (?) of your photos!
★ Ranger meow meow, thank you for the tons of Jiayou in spite of your busy Monday!
★ Awesome colleagues I befriended with last year, thank you for all of your help!
★ Jiejie lecturer pembimbing, thank you for EVERYTHING. You helped both of us so many times.
★ Sir lecturers penguji (juries), thank you for the questions. Though as for now I can't even remember all of those questions, I am so glad that I met both of you on defence. It couldn't be any better!
★ All of my friends, classmates, old friends and everyone else: thank you for all of the supports and smiles! Without all of you, I won't be able to be like this. We finish all of this together.
★ All of my blog readers who support me in each of my post; I treasure all of you! I plan to make shout-outs in near time in future!
Sidenote2: I am not too good in making this kind of post; everyone made cool posts on social media about how they were so grateful toward everything. And I only made this simple thing; but I wrote all of this with my sincerest heart and I hope it reached all of you!
So happy that my hunch comes true: this year I am feeling my best ah! Countless luck has been coming to me and I'm specially preparing a more spacious mind to receive more and more luck in the future.
Even the thought of waiting is exciting (for me who despise waiting).
This year is a really really lucky year for me and I'm so glad it is! I will make sure that I am going to spill my happiness and luck to everyone I love and everyone who loves me!
I love giving as much as I love receiving! (*^_^*)
So, this post marks the end of my long and somewhat harsh (erm, not really actually, it's so much fun!) journey in University. I'm excited to look forward my next chapter in my life.
Lots of love ♥