I've been living alone for three years and a half and I thought it's fun. There are so many individual things I have enjoyed, let alone taking care of myself and having fun by myself.
Those make me really appreciate any companies, be it friends, phone calls, chats and getaways.
Though so I somehow realised that I'm not grateful enough--I, though it's subtle, am taking things for granted. I keep forgetting to return calls and messages and I really regret it. I feel so bad. And I've apologised for that. Though it didn't fix anything.
Then, again, though I love spending quality time with myself, I hate being left alone. I love solitude, but I hate loneliness.
My sister just recently went home so my family is reunited, excluding me. Somewhat they ignore all of my phone calls and chats and it's saddening. I don't usually be like this and can indulge myself in works, but recently I really despise loneliness and I check my hp more often than usual--which brings me to depression.
It never happens to me beforehand; only recently. I have no idea why.
I never get obsessed with my phone for some reasons: I treasure its battery, because I don't want to charge it so often. Then, typing on phone is my pet peeve, because I simply love human-sized computer keyboard. Also, I hate so many dings on hp which now I have decided to turn off all my phone notifications (except phone calls for sure).
Recently I got obsessed with my phone--and it drives me crazy. I now understand what it feels like to be that smartphone freak and look at it all the time. It, once again, drives me crazy. But that's only because I feel different than usual.
I don't enjoy this solitude anymore. It's really weird.
It's somewhat depressing... But trust me, I'm overcoming it now. I feel better though each day.
I can make calls anytime I want--I just don't want to.
I'm contradicting myself again, right?
Through this phase, I've learned to really be grateful of companions. I now really enjoy the time I spend at classes, where I can genuinely laugh with my friends in any occasions. My friends somewhat noticed that I'm happier (and cuter?) than usual and I just laughed--because those words really made my days; and I was genuinely happy. So I'm not tricking anyone as well.
Also, in this situation I also learned that people come to my life is a blessing--be it good or bad. Oh well, who can mark it as good or bad? Only myself. Even when it hurts, it's still good. I am not sure why--but I'm grateful for every pain that I am going through. Because of those pains, I learn to love myself more. That surprisingly heals.
And the magic is, when I love myself more, more people come to me and love me more. That's a good word play, but it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. One thing that I've been diligently doing: Law of Attraction.
It's amazing that the time when I did those grateful list every single day--those days were the happiest day I had. The Secret's magic worked so well that I really am now convinced with magic now.
Though then, I stopped writing it at some point.
And now, I realised that I need to reopen my grateful book and start to write there again, I am sure I have tons of list to write there--things I am grateful of. I'm so excited!
Soooo~~~~What's interesting during these few days aside of thesis writing:
|I tried to finish the bolu banana silly left here but it was very stomach-filling so I mix it with potato chips, erm, just because! Tasted weird but nice anyway.|
|Also the poor Pockys left--finished them last week in one night. Newest achievement!|
|Today is the second day my nose decided to bleed at night--I had pretty inflammed pimple on the outside of my nose but on the inside, I guess it's just ruptured or what. Btw, my blood has always been thin and pink rather than thick and red. I think I need to follow this up to doctor someday--it doesn't look normal.|
|Hair vitaminsu! I love the capsules product because it smells so good, but it looks super troublesome have to open them everytime I want to use it (I wash my hair daily fyi) so I'm moving them to my Lucido vitamin pump for convenince. Their smells mixed and now it smells so weird ugh.|
|Finished mixed the vitaminsu anyway!|
Moving back to my thesis now; it's 1:25AM here so cya!
Lots of love ♥